Not the person I thought…

quillHere’s something new.  My bloggish buddy, The Excitement Plan, posted this poem with her own interpretation, which I thought was so very great that I asked if I could share her thoughts on my “Not My Poetry” place.  

Not the Person I Thought~~

I heard a poem read today and it got me thinking.  Here are three of the lines (the italicized parts – the rest are my thoughts)

I am not the person I thought I knew…

My life didn’t turn out the way I planned.

How did I get here?

Who made the decisions that brought me to here, to this life that I never chose, this place where I don’t want to be?

Well.  I did.

But I didn’t.  I mean, I didn’t mean to.

I didn’t aim here

I didn’t know.

How could I know?  I barely know myself.

How could I know the people with whom I chose to align myself?

How could I know that they weren’t who they said they were?

Am I who I said I was?

Am I who I say I am?

I am not the person I thought I knew.

But this brings hope.

This means there’s more to me than this.

And maybe that twisting that happened, that hardening, that turning-inward.  Maybe that is not who I am.

Well.  I think I knew that.

But maybe that is not who I have to be.  Maybe once I break that shell, the real me, the one who God created, the one His Spirit inhabits, maybe that person will surprise me.

*  *  *  *  *

I am an unknown land waiting to be discovered.

I find such joy in exploration.  The whole concept of undiscovered country delights me.  What is just over that ridge?  What lies around that bend?  Through that tunnel?  Under that tree I can barely see in the distance?

So to think of myself as undiscovered –

that brings joy, hope.

Adventure.

Because I am tired of the part I know.  I am tired of tired me.  I am tired of wounded me.

Well.  I am just tired.

Undiscovered country, though.  I’ll suit up for that.

*  *  *  *  *

I am a mystery too deep for me.

Why did I think I could truly know myself anyway?

Am I not God’s creation?

Am I not made in His image?

Who can know the mind of the Lord?  His ways are past finding out.

So rather than being the host who lets in the Holy Spirit to only those places I choose to surrender, I find myself being the one who needs the Holy Spirit to show me around.

Because there are many twists and turns within me.  False backs to wardrobes. Hidden doors.  Secret passages.

And sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I get lost in here.

*  *  *  *  *

I am not the person I thought I knew.

I am an unknown land waiting to be discovered.

I am a mystery too deep for me.

Unknown (I’ll update this as soon as I find out who wrote the poem)

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Author: dawnlizjones

Tends toward TMI, so here's the short list: guitar and banjo (both of which have been much neglected as of late), bicycling (ibid), dogs, very black tea, and contemplating and commenting on deep philosophical thoughts about which I have had no academic or professional training. Oh, also reading, writing, but I shy away from arithmetic.

4 thoughts on “Not the person I thought…”

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